Sometimes, there comes a time in your life when you think "What am I supposed to do in my life? Why am I here? Do things really happen for a reason? " In search for these questions, many people find the urge to experience new things, expand their horizons. Some people enroll in a ceramics class, others register for meditative yoga at the Y. Then, there are those who travel. They travel as far as Timbuktu and as close as the backyard to their own home. As for me, I fall into all the these categories. I did all those things in hopes to know myself better, to become really good friends with a very important person...ME.
Two years ago, I was at the worst place I could be, shattered into a million pieces after having my heart broken by an unexpected divorce. At that moment, I had no hope or faith, everything was dark. But as my dad says, "Después de la tormenta siempre viene la calma." This is so very true. It didn't happen in a blink of an eye, but I managed to put myself together and re-introduce myself to ME. Since my crossroad moment of choosing the path of triumph over the path of self-pity, I have made it my duty to challenge myself, to experience new things, to meet new people, to not let fear get in my way of ANYTHING I do, to not take life for granted, but instead to live life to the fullest. Granted, there are times when I don't follow my own suggestions or advice, or anybody else's for the matter. Regardless, it's because I challenge myself that I am here...in Buenos Aires. Before getting here, I went through a lot of obstacles (post-divorce obstacles aside), some harder than others. I quit my job (done with pleasure). I sold my house (done with a little skepticism but very liberating). I said bye to my family and friends....this was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have never been away from my family for more than a month...so you can only imagine what a withdrawal symptom I'm experiencing. Sometimes, I think that my family has become an addicting drug that I just can't quit. Without my family and with Jackson at work, I find myself trying to tune into ME again. I admit, I'm one of those people who doesn't like being by themselves because I start thinking about everything from A to Z. The truth of the matter is, I NEED to be alone at times, even if it scares the shit out of me. This is the only way I will get to know myself better, the only way I will become at peace with being away from home, the only way I can reconnect with that incredible person named Erika.
Like I said before, overcoming a disillusioned heartache was the first hardest thing I have ever had to do which brought about self-empowerment, growth, independence, healing and reconnection. A true blessing in disguise. Well, the second hardest thing, being away from my family, has led to the same. Of course both situations are different types of sadness. Nevertheless, moments of sadness bring about change. Being away from home is allowing me to grow in more ways than one.
Till this day, I don't have everything put together. I don't have the answers to all my questions. There's still lots of things I have to learn, lots of places left to see and most definitely lots people left to meet and befriend. There is still more self-empowerment and growth. There always is. But that's okay because I like to consider myself a work in progress.
3-15-18 Daffs at Sunset
6 days ago